I Used To Think That Mom Is Great

I used to think that mom is great.

I still remember how I got mad at my mom.

I slammed my bedroom door, hard. Threw myself on the bed and cried like there’s no tomorrow.
Perhaps my teenager-hormones were raging, or I was just being an a$$hole, but I did that a lot when I was in my puberty age. After the rage faded away, I felt guilty.

But I was too exhausted from crying my eyes out, so I fell asleep.

When I woke up, it was dinner time.

I opened the door slowly, thinking of how guilty I was. But I would not say sorry. Because that was not a habit of our family back then. Lol.
So ill-mannered.

That was an excuse.

I was just too ashamed to say sorry. It felt so awkward to say sorry to my parents back then.

But then, I would see my mom preparing foods.

She looked at me, and just casually said “Here, have dinner, I cooked your favorites.”

Like I did not just shouted at her.
Like I did not just slammed the door and screamed at her saying how I hate being born.

There, I thought, mom is so great.
Even when your child is the one at fault, and then they yell at you, yet you still forgive them nonetheless.

And you still love them, much.

Heck. I shouted at my mom but she cooked my favorite foods in return. What kind of a person would do that?

Only a mom would.

I used to think a mom is so great.

They have such a huge heart, so huge that we could not comprehend.
I think not even a mom herself realize what a big heart she has.

And then, I become a mom.

When I wrote this, I have one daughter who is not even 2 yet.

But she already taught me a lot.

Being her mom is holding and rocking to her sleep, not matter how sleep-deprived I am.

Being her mom is dealing with baby blues which made me cried and feeling so depressed for few months.

Being her mom is having my heart overflowed with joy, only by watching her smile widely and brightly.

Being her mom is praying for her well-being every night, hoping that God will always looking out for her.

Being her mom is paying attention to her bowel movement and no matter how disgusting it is, to wipe her sh!t when thing gets messy.

Being her mom is getting angry at her and then getting so guilty for being angry at her.

Being her mom is looking at her asleep and hoping that she would have a great life ahead of her.

Being her mom is having zero privacy, like… having a shower with door open wide, or brushing teeth while she’s standing just beside my leg, or even pooping with her standing at the door looking at me.

Being her mom is getting so mad when she misbehaves, but easily melted away when she tries to make me smile.

Being her mom is dancing with her no matter how ridiculous it looks.

Being her mom is singing to her in public even though I have a terrible voice (and out of tune).

Being her mom is refraining myself from buying new bra even though I need it, but easily buy her new books even though she has a lot of them already.

Being her mom is deliberately bought Happy Meal for the sake of a toy to make her excited.

Being her mom is sometimes getting so fed-up of feeding her and just stop it mid-way thinking that later when she gets hungry she would ask for food herself.

Being her mom is reading her the same book for a hundredth time.

Being her mom is answering to her endless questions.

Being her mom is explaining things I don’t really understand.

Being her mom is wanting to make her have lots of fun, either by walking around the neighborhood, blowing out bubbles when we took a bath, or taking her to new places and experience things.

Being her mom is crying when she’s in pain and I felt hopeless, but trying not to cry in front of her no matter what.

Being her mom is having less quality time with her dad, but it’s okay.

Being her mom is watching her throws her tantrum and trying to ignore it (also ignoring how people stare and judge the situation) for her own good.

Being her mom is worrying about her when she’s not well, and hoping to have some kind of magic to transfer any pain she’s feeling to myself.

Being her mom is being proud of her, even over small things (and probably biased) like how she said her first words, or how she giggles.

Being her mom is teaching me to be more patient.

Being her mom is contently cuddling with her.

Being her mom is learning to speak better words, to refrain myself from cursing.

Being her mom is sometimes getting so upset that I pinched her hard and getting so guilty afterwards.

Being her mom is realizing that it’s okay not to be a perfect mom.

Being her mom is feeling so incredible everytime I see her and I remember how she used to be inside my womb (and started out as a very tiny thingy!)

Being her mom is spending my time with her and yet sometimes I wish for an hour or two being alone and enjoying my quality time.

Being her mom is screaming at her when she made me upset, yet has the urge to hug her immediately afterwards because I felt like a horrible mom.

Being her mom, is trying to be a better version of myself so that she could also be a better person than I am.

Being her mom is having my heart feels like bursting out happiness and rainbows and glitters sparkles and pastel-colored unicorns only by seeing her happy and excitedly laughing.

Being her mom still has a long way to go.

Being her mom means I’m going to experience more things I never know before.

Being her mom made me realize,

A mom is not just great.

A mom is beyond great.

She’s beyond awesome.

She’s beyond wonderful.

A mom is a hug you get everytime you feel sad.

A mom is a cupcake to cheer you up.

A mom is the clear vast blue sky after the storm.

A mom is the warm drink when weather is cold.

A mom is the bright light in our soul.

A mom,

..is love.

 

 

 

disclaimer: Analogies are all originally made-up by being mellow missing my mom who lives in a different city, and at the same time, being proud as a mom myself.
Jakarta, 30 May 2018.

 

Mireia 18-21 Bulan

Lucu ya kalo ngeliat anak-anak.

Dalam sebulan dua bulan aja kemampuannya udah bisa berkembang pesat.

Mireia yang umur 18 bulan sama Mireia 21 bulan aja rasanya udah beda, 18 bulan kosa kata masih sepatah-patah, sekarang udah bisa 3 kata sekaligus.

Apalagi entar kalo udah sampe di milestone ledakan vocabulary ya, ga kebayang tar tau-tau udah casciscus casciscus lol.

Mireia sekarang udah semakin seru diajak becandaan. Makin berasa iseng dan jahilnya.

Semakin keliatan keras kepalanya juga kalo udah gak mau ya gak mau. Makin susah dibujuk rayu hahaha.

Entah kenapa kok sekarang jadi bisa malu-malu sama orang. Kalo disuruh salaman sama orang baru, dia bisa kayak senyum-senyum malu gitu terus menjauh dari yang ngajak salaman, dan minta gue gendong. Kadang malah langsung buang muka. Kalo dipaksa salaman, bakal mewek.

Salah satu kemampuan mengenali orang asing kali ya. Bagus juga sih jadi ga gampang mau sama orang, tapi kok ya gampang disogok juga hahahahahahahah. Kalo orang asingnya nunjukin sesuatu yang menarik menurut dia, langsung deh mau deket-deket huahahahaha 😀

Mulai bisa merangkai 3 kata.
Uka tas ini (Buka tas ini)
Num susu kaw (Minum susu cow)
Eya duduk ini (Reia duduk sini)
Bisa juga semacam pake koma gitu kadang ngomongnya.
Mama bobo, ping eya. (Mama bobo, samping Reia).

Gue suka gemes kalo denger dia sebut dirinya sendiri, misalnya pas dia maunya dia sendiri yang masukin DVD ke DVD player “Eya aja. Eya aja.”
Ato kalo dia kentut kadang dia langsung cengengesan dan bilang “Eya tut. Pruutt~”
Hahahaha 😀

Kalau berhitung suka skip banyak huahaha.
“Tu wa ga pat nam juh yan luh, YEAAYY!!”
(satu dua tiga empat enam tujuh sembilan sepuluh, yeaayyy)
Kalo ditanya kaki Reia ada berapa? Ada du? “Wak, nam, juh, yan, luh, YEAAAYYY”

Serem aja kakinya sepuluh, nak. Gurita aja kalah.

Suka dipakein selimut sebagai jubah ala-ala gitu, trus sebut dirinya sendiri “Ses Sa” alias Princess Elsa. Abis itu dia lari-lari sambil nyanyi let it go versi dia hahaha “Nanana go~~ Go~ Go mor~”

Suka banget mengidentifikasi bagian dari tubuh ato muka dari sesuatu. Misal ada boneka babi, dia bisa tau-tau “Ta pig. Idung pig” (Mata pig. Hidung pig.)

Kalo diajak baca alfabet dia bisa ikut-ikutan. A. “A!” B. “Be!” C. “Ce!” D. “De!” F. “Ephh” dan seterusnya sampe Z “Sshet!”

Main sama Koko Reagan

Semakin banyak lagu yang dia bisa ikutan nyanyi, kadang juga bisa tau-tau nyanyi penggalan-penggalan lagu. Kudu tau dia nonton apa dan dengerin lagu apa jadi bisa nebak apa yang dia nyanyiin. Sejauh ini gue lumayan bisa ngerti sih dia nyanyi dan ngomong apa hahaha.

Kalo ditanya hal yang udah lalu juga dia bisa inget. Sabtu kemaren kan gue ke Aeon BSD naik kereta, trus lanjut ke Central Park naik bus Transjakarta bareng nyokap, suster dan adek gue (yang dipanggil khiu-khiu oleh Mireia).

Besokannya kalo kita nanya:
Mireia kemaren naik train ya? “Choo chooo!” 
Wah iya suara train choo choo ya. “Omas! Omas!”
Iya kayak Thomas ya. Trus Reia naik apa lagi selain kereta?
“BAS!”
Oh iyaaa Reia naik bus yaaa, sama siapa?
“Khiu-khiu”
Khiu-khiu naik bus juga ya? Khiu-khiu di bus ngapain?
“Bobo”
Khiu-khiu bobo yaaa, tapi trus lama-lama kita jadi gabisa liat khiu-khiu ya (duduk di area cowo), kenapa Rei?
“Tutup. Om”
Oh ketutupan om ya Rei? Ada om berdiri nutupin khiu-khiu yaaa.

Gitu deh. Udah bisa ditanya-tanya. Hahahaha. Remeh tapi mamaknya seneng dan bangga hahaha 😀

Sampe sekarang masih anak mama banget. Bangun tidur,  kalo cuma liat papanya, langsung merengek cari mama. Trus pernah gini, di salah satu buku yang kita beli di @mytreasurebox.id (online shop di instagram yang super ok!! Buku Reia banyak beli di sini, bagus-bagus looohh, Reia suka semua buku yang gue beli di sini), ada gambar anak bayi di baby box ceritanya baru bangun tidur pagi-pagi, ngangkat tangan minta digendong papanya.

Trus gue tanya dong ke anak gue…
Kalo baby bangun pagi minta gendong siapa?
“Papa.”
Hooo, iya pinter. Reia minta digendong papa juga ya?
“Gak. Mama”

Lah. Hahaha. Padahal kan emaknya modus juga loh biar dia jadi minta digendong papa aja kalo bangun pagi 😛

Trus yang epic pernah kejadian di kamar tidur lagi bertiga, trus gue marahin Reia karena apa gitu gue lupa. Yang jelas dia akhirnya nangis-nangis trus papanya berusaha menghibur dia.
Kemudian masih sambil nangis-nangis kejer, Reia membuka tangan ke arah papanya minta digendong.
Papanya tersanjung, lalu membungkuk mau gendong dia.
EEHHH DIA BELOK DONG SECEPAT KILAT.
Dengan kondisi masih nangis-nangis, dia belok saat mau dipeluk papanya trus malah menghambur ke pelukan gue yang sebenernya masih melototin dia.

Yang ada gue jadi ngakak sengakak-ngakaknya huahhaahah 😀

Puk-puk koko.

Bapake ya cuma manyun saja mihihihi 😛

Trus sesuai perkembangan usianya juga, Reia bener-bener jadi peniru ulung. Baru-baru ini gue ceritanya lagi duduk di depan lemari baju sambil ngedorong kasur latex pake kaki karena kasur latex itu sumfe berat banget. Eh ga sengaja badan gue malah kedorong ke lemari dan pintu lemari bunyi kenceng “TRAK!” gitu kayak ada yang patah. Refleks gue bilang “SHIT!” takut pintunya rusak dan macet.

Reia langsung ikutan juga “Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit!”

…..

Oke. Berpikir cepat.

Ayo segera ngeles.

“Iya sit duduk Rei, maksudnya… Mama kan lagi duduk ya. Kalo duduk, bahasa inggrisnya itu sit….”

Trus anaknya ngeliatin gue. Gue berharap penjelasan gue diterima.

Lalu.. “Sit! Sit!” dia ngomong gitu lagi beberapa kali.

Trus taunya dia bawa boneka poohnya, dia dudukin di lantai tempat gue duduk sebelumnya dan bilang “Pooh sit. Eya sit” sambil dianya ikutan duduk sebelah Pooh.

Gue langsung hepi.

HORE ANAK GUE BERHASIL DIKIBULIN!! Hahahahaha

Gue demen tiap liat Reia bilang hai. Soalnya cara ngomong dia lebih kayak “Hae.” Gemesin hahaha *mamak bias*

Trus sekarang kan dia minum susu pasteurisasi, jadinya sering minta “Susu cow, susu cow.”
Si suster sering bilang ke dia kalo mama pulang kerja ntar beli susu cow buat Mireia. Alhasil gue dan papanya kalo pulang kerja disambut dengan Mireia yang berdiri di pintu dan bilang “Hae. SUSU COW!”

Hahahaha.

Sempet juga karena ngeliat temen gue breasfeed anaknya directly, dia tiba-tiba minta nenen juga. Tapi dia geli sendiri jadinya cuma ngeliatin sambil cengengesan. HUAHAHAHAH duh kocak kalo ingetnya.

Seneng joget-joget gaje juga. Selalu ngegemesin kalo dia udah joget-joget ga jelas hahaha.

Jeleknya dari Mireia adalah tetep kalo untuk tidur tuh ga bisa dibilang gampang. Udah lebih gampang dibanding dulu tapi tetep ga bisa sleep through the night. Pasti tetep ada ngerengeknya mau digendong sayang-sayang bentar dulu baru lanjut bobo lagi.

Jadi jujur azaaa, aku sungguh masih belum mau punya anak kedua kalo ngeliat Mireia yang masih kayak sekarang. Tiap malem gue masih kurang tidur, padahal gue sendiri emang dari dulu ga bisa deep sleep, jadinya begitu sekarang ditambah dengan kebangun-kebangun buat empok-empokin dan gendong anak, bener-bener berasa zombie lol.

Padahal kalo diliat dari minat dia terhadap anak kecil sih udah bisalah jadi seorang cece, dia ga cemburuan kalo gue gendong bayi lain, malah bisa ikut empok-empokin dan sayang-sayang bayi lain, trus sempet excited banget liat Beryl dan minta gendong Beryl anak Ping-ping pas acara Blogeratti.

Cuman yaaaaa ini anak kalo udah ada gue aja tuh jadi manja apa-apa maunya sama gue. Sampe-sampe kadang gue lagi ngomong sama suster, koko ato nyokap aja ga boleh loh sama dia. Kudu fokus sama dia. Hahaha. Jadi kayaknya kudu tunggu sampe cukup gede untuk bisa maen sendiri, asyik sendiri, ga minta gendong melulu.. baru deh punya dedek 😛

Kesannya belagu kali ya, ada yang ngarepin punya anak belom dapet-dapet, gue di mari malah belom kepengen punya anak lagi. Padahal mungkin, mungkiiinnn loh ya, mungkin Tuhan akan titipkan seorang anak lagi ke gue dan koko kalo kita gak KB. Cuman yaaaaa biarlah gue dan koko yang mengukur kemampuan kita sendiri saat ini. Soalnya I’ll be realistic kalo sekarang emang ga bisa lah ga KB menurut gue dan koko. Pro kontra sih ya ngomongin ginian hahahhaaha.

Okeh maaf mamanya Mireia kehilangan fokus. Kita balik lagi ke Mireia.

Yang jelas dia makin bawel dan makin banyak ngertinya. Cuma sayangnya berat badan stuck di 10,8 ga nambah-nambah. Tapi overall dibilang kurus ya kaga, gemuk juga kaga. Pas aja menurut gue.

Bentar lagi ulang tahun kedua daaaaannn gue belom siapin apa-apa dong. Gak kayak tahun lalu yang semangat huahaha.

Kita liat nanti aja ya Reia 😛