Koko’s uncle passed away yesterday.
He was 77 years old and was just cleaning the aquarium when he suddenly collapsed. It was heart attack that took him away. He used to be so fit and healthy so when we were told that he passed away, we hardly believe it.
When we fully grasped the fact that he’s gone, the only thing that I was worrying about was his wife.
They were such a sweet couple who grew old together, raised 4 children together succesfully, have grandchildren who love them, and they had travelled the world together.
They were almost inseparable.
Their marriage was so great and happy that I could not imagine how is she feeling right now that she lost her other half.
How depressing it would be when someone who had spent more than half of their life togeher with you in better or worse was gone.
I got so mellow, so emotional that I held koko’s hand tightly and told him “If I could have a request fulfilled, I would ask please let me die before you do. Please. So I don’t have to deal with the pain of losing you.”
Koko didn’t say anything, he didn’t reply me competitively the way he usually does, “No, since I’m older than you, I would go first.” And we would usually just start saying to each other “No, I’ll be the one who die first.” “No, me first.” “No, me!”
This time around,
He just smiled, in a way like he was trying to ease my worries.
He entwined our fingers together and hold them tighter.
At that moment, I know I would never understand how my mom felt when my dad passed away. Nor would I ever understand how koko’s aunt-in-law is feeling right now. No matter how hard I tried to picture how it feels like, I would never know how painful and hollow it is.
But God, if I could really choose, please do not make me know or understand how that pain feels like.