Mellow

Koko’s uncle passed away yesterday.

He was 77 years old and was just cleaning the aquarium when he suddenly collapsed. It was heart attack that took him away. He used to be so fit and healthy so when we were told that he passed away, we hardly believe it.

When we fully grasped the fact that he’s gone, the only thing that I was worrying about was his wife.

They were such a sweet couple who grew old together, raised 4 children together succesfully, have grandchildren who love them, and they had travelled the world together.

They were almost inseparable.

Their marriage was so great and happy that I could not imagine how is she feeling right now that she lost her other half.

How depressing it would be when someone who had spent more than half of their life togeher with you in better or worse was gone.

I got so mellow, so emotional that I held koko’s hand tightly and told him “If I could have a request fulfilled, I would ask please let me die before you do. Please. So I don’t have to deal with the pain of losing you.”

Koko didn’t say anything, he didn’t reply me competitively the way he usually does, “No, since I’m older than you, I would go first.” And we would usually just start saying to each other “No, I’ll be the one who die first.” “No, me first.” “No, me!”

This time around,

He just smiled, in a way like he was trying to ease my worries.

He entwined our fingers together and hold them tighter.

At that moment, I know I would never understand how my mom felt when Β my dad passed away. Nor would I ever understand how koko’s aunt-in-law is feeling right now. No matter how hard I tried to picture how it feels like, I would never know how painful and hollow it is.

But God, if I could really choose, please do not make me know or understand how that pain feels like.

Please.

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30 thoughts on “Mellow

  1. Gak usah bingung Live, gak usah dipikirin pun, semua orang pasti bakalan mati anyway. Yang nggak siap cuma yang ditinggalin doang. Mendingan kita mikirin gimana cara kita ngisi hidup, daripada kita mikirin gimana kalau ditinggalin org yg kita sayang. Karena umur cuma Tuhan yang tau.

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    • Justru itu, kalo bisa ga mau ngerasain jadi yang ditinggalin ci :”(
      Sampe sekarang aja karena papaku meninggal pas tidur, aku suka merhatiin keluargaku pas tidur. Takut mereka tau2 udah ga napas pas lagi tidur.
      Yah kalo boleh milih tetep maunya aku yang pergi duluan huahaha *maksa*

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      • Eh yaampun ini mirip banget sama aku ci, sejak mamaku meninggal pas lagi tidur.. dan itu yg pertama kali liat mamaku meninggal itu aku. I’m the first.

        Terus skrg jdi sring merhatiin kluarga kalo tidur napasnya masih ada atau gak.. hihihi πŸ™‚

        Emang ci, kehidupan itu gak ad yg tau. En kalo bisa pengen bilang ke Tuhan kalo jangan ambil pasangan kita dluan, ataupun jgn ambil orang yg kita cinta dluan. biar aku aja yg ninggal dluan πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ sedih ya ci kalo ngebayangin tiba2 orang yg kita cinta itu udah gak ada 😣

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        • Ho’oh jadi parno gitu ya hehehe. Mungkin karena kita udah pernah mengalami, jadi rasanya amit-amit deh jangan sampe harus ngerasain hal yang sama lagi, trus pengennya kita yang ‘duluan’ deh.

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  2. Olip bradshaw… 😒 am sending u my deep condolences ya.. i was loosing my dad 3mths after my wedding, i wasnt talking (let alone ngomong, ngeliat mukanya aja on my wedding day rasanya males n marah banget) to him for a full year back then.
    It was heart attack that took his life, anehnya once my dad’s gone.. i miss him so much dan merasa bersalah ga ngomong n say thank u pas di wedding gw… back then gw yang sampe kaya adegan2 film constantine-nya keanu reeves lip, sampe syeking2 nangis2 sedihhhhhh buanjjjettt.. trus doa ga brenti sama pastur bule sini ada kali 1.5-2 years gw counseling utk bs let go sama tu pastur.. like u know being legowo towards my dad’s jalan duluan..

    Maybe your aunt tipe yg bisa legowo lip, coz shes been spending most of her time with him, ga ada penyesalan gitu.. and to ease your mind about death, try to do rosary lip.. it helps me ay lot sist. Bener deh. Coba cek sama toko sebelah, toko aq ga boong punya 😚

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    • Rosary ya, noted Fab, bakal dicoba di saat lagi cukup energik dan seger karena kalo gak pasti ujung-ujungnya zzzzzzzz hahahaha.
      I can’t imagine the regret you had 😦 Tapi Puji Tuhan kalo sekarang udah bisa lebih legowo ya, cerita lo ngasih pelajaran banget untuk memaafkan dan melepaskan semua rasa sakit hati, sebelum kita nyesel karena mau minta maap aja udah ga bisa 😦
      *peluk fab*
      *ga bisa*
      *kehalang perut*
      πŸ˜›
      Eh mana dong cerita tentang duo little n*gg*s looooo huahahahahah

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  3. Olive turut berduka cita ya, semoga keluarga yg ditinggalkan diberi kekuatan. Gue juga punya ketakutan yg sama sih karena mama mertua meninggal pas tidur. Makanya kalo si suami lg bobo trus ga kedengeran suara ngorok nya (yg membahana), gue lgs bangun dan liatin dia nafas apa ngga hehe. Tapi yg kayak gini memang ga usah dipikirin sih atau bisa stress sendiri krn umur manusia memang ga perna ada yg tau.

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    • Jadi parno-parno sendiri ya ci kalo udah pernah ada pengalaman begitu.
      Tapi bagusnya kadang kalo lagi kesel aku jadi bisa mikir “Yakin mau kesel terus, ga mau maapin aja? Tar kalo dia bobo belom tentu besok masih bangun loh.” trus baekan dah ama suami. Huahahahah.

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  4. turut berduka cita Lip, jadi ikutan mellow ngebayanginnya. Buat keluarga yang ditinggalkan pasti berasa sedih, tapi waktu terus berjalan dan pasti…perlahan lahan, justru semua semakin kuat dan lebih menghargai setiap moment yang ada. For koko’s uncle, just believe that this is his new beginning in the calm peaceful place. *hug*

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  5. Turut berduka ya Lip
    Memang sh ditinggalin ngga enak, tapi namanya umur ngga ada yang tau.
    Semua udh punya jalannya masing-masing.
    Yang penting berusaha untuk ngga nyakitin orang lain.

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  6. turut berduka cita buat om nya koko & keluarga yg ditinggalkan ya liv..
    gw belom pernah ngebahas ttg ini sama laki gw. tapi gw jg maunya sama kayak u, jgn sampe kita jadi org yg ditinggalin, karena ga kebayang nantinya jadi seperti apa, karena kita udah biasa berduaan kemana2.. >.<

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    • Makasih Cyn. Meskipun egois, tapi kalo bisa sih antara “pergi berdua” kayak di film The Notebook ato kita duluan deh yaaaa hahaha *cemen* *ga mau ngerasa sedih*

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  7. My condolences to u and ur fam. Wish ur aunt can get over this.
    Personally, i used to be afraid of losing everyone I care and love. Really afraid of it!
    Until one day, i thought about how would they feel when I’m gone? I believe that they will feel what I feel as well. Why would I want to be the one who leave them if I don’t want to be left?
    No matter who goes first, the only real thing is the pain.
    It will be better, if I focus on the things I can do or give to people I care n love. Before one of us leave each other instead of worrying the “till dead do us part” moment.
    But i would be lying if I said that I have completely put the dread away. I cried like baby when I dreamt of losing my family. It was unbearable sadness.
    May we could be stronger when it comes to us πŸ™‚

    Langsung pengen cr emak dan adek2 deh >.<

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  8. turut berduka cita yaa ci 😦
    aq juga suka ngerasa gitu, kalo ngeliat pasangan opa oma yg terus manis sampai tua.
    suka ngerasa ngiri juga sama pasangan opa oma yg keliatan sayang banget sama pasangannya.
    apalagi sampe ngeliat n tau mereka kehilangan org yg paling mereka sayang.
    langsung berasa banget ya ci ada di posisi dia. hiks.
    ikutan mellow nih 😦

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    • Makasih Der. Iya kalo ngeliat opa oma masih gandengan tangan jalan berdua itu rasanya aduh manis bangett :”)
      Dan ya om tante koko itu modelnya begitu, jadi berasa mellow banget pas tau om nya meninggal 😦 cuma bisa mendoakan semoga si tante sehat-sehat terus, ga depresi.

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  9. Turut sepenanggungan yaa cece Olip 😦

    Duh ak juga pernah tu punya pikiran ky gitu gimana ntr klo Brown yg pegi duluan trus jadinya mellow deh, trmasuk klo ortu dan sodara. Moga2 semuanya di beri kekuatan. Amin.

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  10. Turut berduka cita… setiap pertemuan pasti ada akhirnya, begutu pula dengan hubungan manusia.. its better not to think who goes first, but spend as much time as possible and showing how much we love our loved ones as tomorrow would be the end of the world.

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